Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
