May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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