were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Is it because I queefed?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
