I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No subtext here. People are naked.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
