I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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