I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize