we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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