Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
