Are we in a gay sports bar?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
