so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize