no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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