The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
