nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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