Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize