How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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