Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize