Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
