yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
