Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
