Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize