No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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