my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
