do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
