Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize