:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
