I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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