I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
