he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
