Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
