I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
