If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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