I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.â€
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
