So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
