birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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