I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
