I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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