I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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