some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
