Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
