Pants 0. Shit 1.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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