My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
