Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize