Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
