my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
