How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
