Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
