No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
