I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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