your room smells of hookers.
And success
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize