I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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