Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
