You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I need water and some morals
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
