My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I looked at my own cervix.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
