I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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