Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize