You really coming over, don't trick.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
They took my balls.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
