i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
