im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
