About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
