Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
