She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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