I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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