dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize