How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
