I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
