someone get that fucking seahorse.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
