So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
birth control should be required to get into college
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
