..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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