Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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