Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
