So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Boobs speak an international language.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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