I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize