OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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